Show Journal 2001-09-05
Day 13 – Woke up this morning and took a shower. If you travel I would highly recommend TA truck stops. Their showers are the bomb. We made a detour to House on the Rock today … the indescribable tourist destination in Spring Green, Wisconsin. Since we slept late Dave, Justin and Kevin ran through the house in just under 52 minutes. Usually it takes 4 hours. Jim and I cleaned the van and located any clothes which were contaminated with “the funk of 40,000 years”. We saw a lot of Milwaukee today since we drove through at rush hour. We were running really late today and played Goldeneye to pass the time. The amount of smack talking that surrounds a game of Goldeneye in amazing. I find myself saying things I would never say if not for the empowering nintendo controller. We have lots of flies in the van which is very annoying. We try to kill them with Dave’s porn but he doesn’t care for that. Green bay was really small. I figured any city with a football team would be huge but not Green Bay. Unknown to us the show tonight was supposed to be cancelled. It’s too confusing to explain but in a nutshell the La-Donnas cancelled but our friends in the Shut-Ups kept the show happening and got other bands for us to play with. We owe them a huge favor now and can’t thank them enough for their help!!! Special thanks to Lugs for the help with a place to stay and just being cool as hell!!! The Shut-Ups have a new lineup and I thought they kicked ass. After them was Death and Taxes and they totally rocked. Their singer was an absolute maniac. I always love charismatic singers … even if they do almost hit you with a ladder. Despite the small turnout the show was lots of fun. Amazingly this 20 person show was more fun than the previous nights crowd of 200. After the show Dave was offered $50 for … shall we say … a sexual favor from a girl in town? We told him he was crazy for not taking the money. He probably couldn’t live with the shame of being a male prostitute. Dave the gigolo. Funny. Another truck stop evening.
Show Journal 2001-09-04
Day 12 – Iowa is great to drive in for about 30 minutes then it just sucks. So boring it’s almsot painful. We were almost killed today by a truck hauling an oversize boat doing about 85 mph on the shoulder. We got a message from the show promoter saying he was dropping us from the show tonight. It was a misunderstanding that got worked out but for about 2 hours it was a very quiet van ride. We saw Air Force One flying today. Dave is obsessed with his collection of porn story books that he bought and teaches us many new terms and phrases while on the road. Once again the show was kind of weird. There were about 200 people there but most were emo/indie rock fans. For us this crowd usually returns blank stares and scattered applause when we play. Tonight was no exception. I’m sure someone out there liked it but was afraid to admit it. My guitar jack broke in mid set tonight and is now rendered unplayable for the rest of the tour. Despite the poor reaction and equipment failures we played remarkably well and are all amazed Dave still has his voice. After us was Notaword and they were really cool to meet and watch play. After their set and enduring the lingering feeling of resentment from the crowd we opted to leave early and decided to head over to Gino’s East for some pizza. God I love that place. We stayed at a Wisconsin truck stop where Kevin bought a device known as the ‘hillbilly persuader’.
Show Journal 2001-09-03
Day 11 – Ahhh … the gloroius midwest. Why is “the heartland” so boring to drive through? We ate at a Country Kitchen for breakfast and it ruled. I played 1080 for hours on end to pass the time. Tonight we went to see The Gamits and The Fairlanes in Omaha but it turns out they had cancelled. Feeling disappointed with our detour we decided to stay in a hotel outside of Omaha. We all stayed up late doing laundry and watching TV. Our title of “the world’s most boring band” remains unchallenged.
Show Journal 2001-09-02
Day 10 – We woke up this morning practically on fire from the heat. Once we got rolling with the AC it was a really nice drive. We ate at a cool diner somewhere in Colorado for lunch. We got to the 15th Street Tavern at 8:00 and were scared for our lives. During the first 5 minutes there was a fight in the restroom while Kevin was stuck in a stall. Apparantly they started hitting each other while Kevin sat frozen hoping the walls would not collapse on him. A few minutes later the two were kicked out and came back in the bar for another round of fighting. One left, went to his car and returned. Kevin and Jim swear he went to get a weapon but they were both evicted before any more fighting ensued. I was scared but the heavy metal friendly jukebox quelled my fears. My knowledge of Iron Maiden lyrics has frightened Jim and Dave. Around 10:00 the bar population started to shift to a much cooler and much less intimidating crowd. The opening band tonight was called ‘Man’ and consisted of one guy who plays bass and a kick drum and sings some of the harshest and most angry songs I’ve ever heard. Man was awesome and we were all very impressed. Our set was so so. We played very aggressively and pretty well but only a handful of people really seemed to enjoy it. It’s frustrating to give so much and get so little. Oh well. That’s life. Another truck stop night.
Show Journal 2001-09-01
Day 9 – This morning we drove out of the way to see Zion national park in Utah but no one wanted to spend the $20 vehicle fee so we turned around at the front gate. Cheap bastards will pay $5 for a mixed drink but won’t spend $4 to see a national monument. Finally we have a show tonight. The 4 days off in Vegas made me forget me were on tour. A girl in a gift shop asked if we were coordinating outfits because we were all wearing black shirts with white writing. Nice. Our van oil has been leaking ever since Dave and Justin took it to a shop in LA. They went for an oil change and the garage insisted that we needed to replace part of the differential because it was “going to explode” if we didn’t spend $400 to get it fixed. It’s been running fine for a long time so Dave and Jim left without fixing “the problem”. Now it leaks oil so we are very suspicious. After a few road side oil additions we eventually stopped at a truck stop and Jim climbed under the van to seal the oil leak temporarily. It appears that someone pulled the oil seal with a pair of pliers which confirms our foul play theory. Fucking mechanics. We arrived in SLC to play at a club where we played back in 1998. In fact they still had an old 800 Octane sticker in the bathroom. Judging from the floor in there that was probably the last time they cleaned it as well. Just like last time we played there the show totally sucked ass. No one was there and the people that were didn’t give a crap about us. One girl even said “I have a new worst show” as if we had tortured her finely tuned musical ears. Go home and listen to Creed you dumb bitch. I guess I don’t blame her low opinion because it couldn’t have possibly sounded that good. My wireless broke during the first song, the PA was awful (all treble), and to top it off the guy running sound was actually working at two clubs tonight. After we were done we all went outside to vent and left Kevin in the club with only the merch and the non appreciative fans around him. He said if he were keeping a journal entry it would read “Day 9 … shit on roadie” in response for leaving him in the club without a trace of our whereabouts. Sorry Kevin. Outside we met a guy known as ‘Fuckin’ A Ray’ who claims to book for a club down the street. The dude talks 100 mph and about anythying and everything that crosses his mind. Thank god for Ray since he amused us to no end and cheered us up after our dismal performance. As you can probably have guessed a club like this has to be pretty shitty to deal with and you know what … it was. They wanted to split $30 between the two bands. The door was $5 a head and by the end of the night there were at least 50-60 people there. You do the math. We’ve certainly played for less money (and gladly at that) but it sucks when you are on tour and they try to give you the shaft like that. We drove 500 miles to get there and have 500 tomorrow. I overheard Erosion arguing to the door guy saying the bands deserve more money since we (well actually they) brought the people in. The club didn’t budge so for a while it was looking like we were leaving town with a mere $15. At some point Ray left to go offer his “opinion” to the door guy as well. In the end Erosion gave us all of the door money so we left pleased knowing we did a lot better than we could of. We joked with ourselves that it was pay off money so they wouldn’t have to listen to Ray talk anymore! Actually Ray ended up buying some stuff from us so all in all the money thing turned out well. We spent another night in a truck stop somewhere in Utah.
Show Journal 2001-08-31
Day 8 – We were awoken rudely at 8 in the morning by room service. Today was our last day to hang in Vegas before the tour resumes. At one point we rode the ‘Speed’ roller coaster which was cool. We also crusied over to the Hilton so Jim could check out the Star Trek ride. Kevin and I hung in the bar avoiding eye contact with anyone in Klingon garb. Yes, I am serious. The gambling was good for Kevin today … he scored $95 on the Mr. Lucky nickel slot machine. I ended up losing $20 on the Cleopatra slot machine. Dave and Justin got stuck in tons of traffic leaving LA and were running about 4 hours late so we just went to hang at the Treasure Island bar and later watched a couple of peformances of the Bellagio fountain. God I love that thing. At one point on the walk back to meet Dave and Justin, Jim got slapped on the butt by a passing girl who smiled at him but he’s got no game so she passed on without a word. Next time Jim should ask himself “what would Shabba do?” Of course that would involve him donning a white robe and singing dance hall so we would have bailed on him anyway. Dave and Justin arrived around midnight and then we started the drive to SLC. We has a really cool drive tonight. We passed through the Arizona mountains under a full moon and it was beautiful. I think Kevin is the only other one of us awake enough to remember it. Another truck stop night in Utah.
Show Journal 2001-08-30
Day 7 – Today Dave and Justin drove back to LA to socialize and hang with some friends. Jim, Kevin and I wisely stayed in Vegas and spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing. This morning I went outside to use my cell phone and was approached by a real life prostitute! Go Eric, go Eric, go Eric. I refused her offer but it was cool to be involved in the pimp and ho scene for at least a few seconds. After walking the strip for a few hours, cruising the buffets, and even catching a movie we came back to sit and soak our feet in the pool. The experience was almost religious. Knee buckling as Justin would say. After the previous nights celebrity spotting we ventured over to the Hard Rock. Kevin remarked that it looks like Maxim magazine in there because of all the hoochies and rock star clothes. So true. The Hard Rock wasn’t that happening tonight so we crusied back to the Flamingo and hung out at the bar until around 4:30. At some point during the evening it was decided for me that my new motto for life is “I just dont give a fuck.” I’ve said that phrase 100 times now and it’s still amusing. Somewhat empowering too. Jim is the only one who has won money so far … he scored $73 at roulette. It hardly feels like we are on tour. Due to two cancellations our last show was 2 days ago and the next show is 2 days away. Having 4 days off kind of sucks but I would rather have the time off here than anywhere else.
Show Journal 2001-08-29
Day 6 – Today was our planned day off in Vegas. The drive there was pretty cool. Lots of windmill farms and some beautiful mountain scenery past Bakersfield. I found Bug City in a truck stop and was pleased to get my candy fixation. In Vegas we managed to score a room at the Flamingo Hilton on the 28th floor! The room had a perfect view of the strip and was great to stay in. We felt like total high rollers. Needless to say it was hot as hell in Vegas, so after a night of tooling around the town we went to the hotel’s pool party. There we swam and listened to the not so soothing sounds of the poolside DJ. I called it a night early but Kevin, Jim and Justin went over to the Hard Rock where they saw Cypress Hill and a few more celebrity types. I wish I hadn’t slept in. Dave managed to meet up with a friend who got him into the Misfits show. Normally I would complain about getting the shaft for not getting into the show but I think we all got the better end of the deal tonight.
Show Journal 2001-08-28
Day 5 – Today started with a very nice breakfast from Kathy and a quick game of baseball with her son. His rules involve throwing the ball, bat or glove at Dave after all pitches. I like that game. We were supposed to play in San Franisco tonight but the show fell through. That sucks because we were supposed to meet up with one of Kevin’s friends and we didn’t even get to see him. Oops. We did however get a tour of the largest privately owned collection of military vehicles in the US. We can all thank Dave for that rare honor. At one point we all started yelling at Dave because he was drving really fast around the sharp corners to get to the tanks faster. This would make things fall from the roof extension onto our heads. We yelled some more until he announced that people think he is “a medical curiosity because he has 4 assholes”. I confess that was the best group insult I’ve ever heard and we were all silenced. The tank museum was ok but you have to ask Dave about that one for more info. After that we went to The Winchester House which is this crazy house built by the bride of the inventor of the Winchester rifle. She was haunted by the ghosts of the people who had been killed by his gun. She built this huge crazy house with doorways to nowhere, winding stairways that don’t go anywhere and windows that look at walls in an effort to confuse the ghosts. Crazy. Our tour guide kinda sucked so I wasn’t impressed for very long. Finally we went to Brian’s house where he treated us to an incredible steak dinner. Thanks to Brian and Lisa for the hospitality. We saw a roadside fire on the drive tonight which was a little scary but kind of cool. We slept next to the In and Out burger that we have already visited twice before. That means this is our 3rd journey up and down the I-5 corridor.
Show Journal 2001-08-27
Day 4 – Nothing says good morning like a truck stop shower. Thankfully I brought flip flops this year. Another scorching hot day in the van. I-5 through California is so boring it’s painful. Nothing to see and lots of traffic. We no longer ask Dave to hand us anything in the van since he has developed a nasty habit of rubbing everything on his balls before giving it to you. I slept a bunch in the van today which is unusual because usually I can’t sleep while we are moving. We ate at a truck stop where the waitresses thought Justin was a celebrity. Probably Tony from ‘Blossom’. At another stop Kevin made the mistake of using an outdoor port-o-let. As soon as the door closed Dave and Justin ran over to shake it violently while Kevin hung on for the ride. Kevin was not amused. The drive from Sacto to Reno was incredible. Very cool rocks and lots of neat landscape. I had another In and Out burger and am in love. Upon arrival in Reno Dave and Justin decided to try the lucky quarters they had been keeping in their shoes. No luck for them and I feel satisfied knowing that I resisted the urge to put a coin in my shoe. The show situation looked bad tonight. The Reno Jazz Club didn’t have a PA, there was no promotion or flyers, the promoter was sick and didn’t show up and to top it off no one showed up to the show. The club owners were really cool so we weren’t too upset about it. Let me rephrase that … we were very dejected … just not pissed off. Anyway we were about ready to pack it up and drive back to Sacramento but at the last minute we decided to stop at a club called the Zephyr across town which was having an open mic night. We talked to the promoter (Georgia) explained the situation and asked if we could play. She said sure and we signed the list for the show. Since almost every other act was solo and/or acoustic we decided to play an acoustic set! Let me rephrase that we begged and pleaded Dave to let us play an acoustic set. It’s easy to hide behind a guitar or drum set on stage but Dave was just going to sing without the masking of distortion and noise. He resisted the idea from the get go. Eventually I pitched a temper tantrum until I got my way. Dave agreed and finally we were ready to rock acoustically. Before we played there was a female stand up comedian. I’ll spare you the full story but during her act Jim confessed to everyone that he fantasized about Duran Duran in bed with him and the comedian approached Kevin with a 6 pack of beer and a corndog in hopes of luring him into bed. Both tales are true. So finally we played our first unplugged set. Dave was in rare form tonight and was probably more entertaining that the comedian. He introduced us by our MRE names and accidentally confessed that a trucker gave him a shower today. Never mind. We had a hat for tips on the stage and at one point Dave looked in the bag to discover that someone had thrown us a bag of pot! What does the world’s most boring band do with pot? We gave it away of course. We played a few songs and even a Misfits cover that would surely upset any hardcore fan of theirs. We got to hang out with some local Reno girls who seemed to like our music. What do I know about that though, because I am a fucking mute. On the way out of town we gave a ride home to 2 skaters known as OG Dog Nuts and White Lightening who came to the show. By dumb luck it turns out we were driving behind the girls from the show. Jim hassled them on the PA and I’m not sure exactly what he said but we were awarded the honor of being flashed by the girl in the passenger seat. God bless Reno and the United States of America. The skaters were impressed and thought we were the biggest rock stars on Earth because we all got to see boobs! Thanks to Georgia for letting us play and thanks to the Reno girls who will remain in our hearts forever. On the way home we saw a lot lizard complete with a prom dress servicing the truckers. Creepy. We got lost for an hour on the way to Kathy’s house and were not happy about it. We also decided during that time that the driver’s seat is now referred to as “The Hot Seat” because of the verbal abuse you will endure while driving.
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